


In Eve's Hand (a Lotus Bloomed)

by faithtrustozdust



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Handmaidens, Light Angst, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithtrustozdust/pseuds/faithtrustozdust
Summary: “How do you want to be remembered, Senator?”or“You hear that, Dorme,” Sabe called out to her. “our lady has fallen for a Jedi.”
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	In Eve's Hand (a Lotus Bloomed)

There was a game Padme and Anakin played late at night, when it was just the two of them in their quiet room at the Galactic Senate with nothing but the sounds of sleepy traffic and the hum of a droid to keep them company.

“How do you want to be remembered, Senator?” He whispered into her hair, tickling her ear. Padme giggled at the sensation, before laughing at herself for giggling and then they were both laughing and clutching at eachother like foolish teenagers. It took her several moments before she was able to stop so she could answer his question, but a smile still tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“I want to be remembered as a devoted queen, a steadfast senator who fought for my people, and as someone who cared for those around me.” She tapped his chest to punctuate the sentence and her voice seemed to fill the whole room. Yet to her it still felt fragile, one too-sharp breath or a scrape on a rough edge and it would shatter.

She twisted to face Anakin. He had been letting his hair grow now that he was a Jedi. It formed loose brown curls that framed his face that she loved to run her fingers through just before sleep. That was when he was soft and malleable around the edges, gentler than he could ever be during the day.

“What about you, Ani?” She whispered to him.

His face twisted into a smile, his real genuine one he seemed to save just for moments like this, just for moments like this with her. 

“I’m not sure Jedi’s are supposed to want to be remembered.” Even though he was smiling, there was something almost bitter in the way he said it, which earned him a shove from Padme. 

“Hey!” He yelped. “What was that for?”

“Last I checked Jedi’s aren’t supposed to be married either.” She grinned as she said it. He grinned back conspiratorial, like this was some grand prank they were pulling and not their greatest secret, leaning over to kiss her sweetly at the corner of her smile. 

She felt his eyelashes flutter on her cheek.

“I’d like to be remembered for protecting the ones I love, for being strong enough to do that.” He was still so close to her face, so close she couldn’t focus on him. The smile was gone now, his brow was furrowed and the young and girlish part of her wanted to kiss it away. “Yoda and Obi wan would probably chastise me for that but, I can’t help that’s what I want, you know.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing, wanting to protect who you love.” She whispered, like it was something she shouldn’t be speaking aloud.

The silence of the room didn’t feel warm and comforting anymore. It felt like a cold breeze pricking at Padme’s skin. The air was heavy with something else too, something she couldn’t quite place, she watched Anakin’s hand clench and unclench at the sheets. She wanted to take his hand in hers and kiss the worry away from the lines in his face. Something always made her pause just before she did.

“Tell that to the Jedi.” His smile had twisted into a grimace for a moment before it faded. “Come on, let’s not talk about them anymore, especially not in our bed.”

The light flickered back into his eyes and the edges of his smile softened again. He reached for her and Padme folded into him (she always would, she knew that, but tried not to dwell on it.).

“Shall we sleep?” She mumbled into his chest. She felt his hand at the nape of her neck, petting at the hair there.

He responded with a warm “Mmmm.” that made his chest rumble. Slowly they curled back under the covers, his arms wrapping around her in a protective circle.

When Padme first told her handmaidens about Anakin, about being in love with Anakin, they were in the middle of dressing her for the day. Warm sunlight spread through her Senator’s apartments, giving everything the shiny gold hue of a new coin. Still, everyone moved through the room with the slow sleepiness of early morning.

“Well then.” Sabe was the first to speak after the words tumbled out of. Her tone was pointed, bordering on accusatory. “Do you want to marry him?”

Padme could feel the deep scars on her back and the hopeless kiss on her lips. Reflexively she touched her lips with her fingertips.

“I do, Sabe.” The handmaid's eyes narrowed slightly at that. Dorme came from the bedroom, carrying a large swath of fabric. 

“You hear that, Dorme,” Sabe called out to her. “our lady has fallen for a Jedi.”

“Oh?” Dorme raised her eyebrow before spreading the dress out on the chair, preparing it to put on Padme. “That pretty Skywalker? Hm.”

“Well as far as Jedis go, you could’ve picked a worse one I suppose.” Sabe mused. “As far as who would be worse, I’m a little more lost on that.” There was a pause as Sabe reflected on her words. “ M’lady, he’s extremely volatile. Surely you can see that a match like that will lead nowhere good.”

“And Jedi aren’t supposed to be in love either.” Dorme added from her corner.

“Exactly!” Padme jumped a little and Sabe’s exclamation. She knew her handmaidens only had her best interests at heart, she still felt scolded and laid bare by Sabe’s harsh words.

The conversation was brushed aside as the two began dressing her. The ritual of it felt like putting armor on for battle, which wasn’t entirely a stretch. While Padme wasn’t as outfitted as she had been as a queen, the reinforced fabric and weapons hidden inside grounded her. 

Once they were finished Sabe placed her hand gently on Padme’s face. The senator’s eyes locked with her handmaiden’s, and she found them to be genuine and warm and almost searching for something in her own.

“Padme,” The use of her given name felt like a sharp barb. “We only worry because we love you.”

She felt Dorme grab her hand and the taller woman leaned into her. 

“I fear he’s going to swallow you whole.” Sabe whispered. The words fluttered by like butterflies. “Don’t let him.”

She was ashamed to say she didn’t remember those words until far too late. On the trip to mustafar, the words didn’t stop rattling in her head and she choked out a sob when she remembered her friend’s gentle eyes pleading with her to stop hurtling down a course she felt had started so long ago.

On her wedding day, Dorme had dressed her. Anakin didn’t know her handmaidens knew about the wedding, he had told her not to tell anyone but the droids who could be programmed to keep their secrets. But the idea of not telling them seemed so ridiculous. Verse had cried happy tears and wrapped her queen in a hug so fierce and so tight, no mortal could’ve broken them apart. Dorme had bustled around to make her a wedding dress to hide her tears. Teckla and Duja had cheered so loud, Padme had to shush them for fear someone might hear. Still they smiled and laughed together, and later Duja had told her they had placed a bet on how long it would take Padme and Anakin to marry. (Duja had won)

Sabe though, while not reprimanding, and not appearing any less joyful for her senator’s happiness, had a sad look in her eyes that would haunt Padme for years to come.

How would she be remembered? The question floated back to Padmeon those nights when Anakin was gone.

The citizens of Naboo still revered her in a way that bordered on deification. Her birthday was celebrated as a holiday, citizens would leave heaps of lotus flowers by her family home. Her sister told her about the sweet scent that lingered long after the flowers had wilted into nothingness.

“Maybe it’s a metaphor.” She mused aloud to Padme the last time they saw each other. They had been sitting out by the lake and for the first time in years it was just the two of them and the afternoon sun warming the earth underneath them.

“How so?” Padme’s voice sounded sleepy and slow to her own ears. 

“That after you’re gone, they’ll remember you Padme.” Sola said. “The rest of us are going to wilt away but you’ll linger. Maybe their children’s children won’t remember why they put out lotuses today, but they’ll do it anyway, and so your memory will live on.”

She pushed gently at her sister’s leg. “Sola, you’re being silly.” 

The younger woman shrugged. “Maybe. But I think you’re made of something greater than the rest of us, something that’ll linger when we’re all gone.”

Anakin had grown, not distant exactly, but the words he once spoke to her echoed in her head. 

“I’d like to be remembered for protecting the ones I love, for being strong enough to do that.”

She was used to feeling like she was put on a pedestal by her people, but Anakin had always treated her like his wife. Reverential, yes. Even Obi Wan for all of his pointed not noticing would raise an eyebrow when he noticed Anakin linger a little too long when he kissed Padme’s hand. Now though, Anakin in a hundred little ways still treated her like the handmaiden with the braided hair and kind smile he had met so many years ago, or the young headstrong senator he’d been assigned to protect on a sun-grazed Naboo.

Either way, neither of the ways he saw her felt like the way a loving husband would see his wife.

She remembered back on Naboo, so many years ago when they had sat on the meadow together. Everything had a fresh honey-glossed quality, golden and sweet and deliciously tempting.

Now they watched the stars together, his arms wrapped around her and his face buried in her hair. The Galactic Senate had the low buzz of life it always did, and for not the first time she wondered if one day it would burn itself out.

“When can we go back to Naboo.” Anakin mumbled into her hair. Absent-mindedly she reached up and stroked his face. He leaned into it with a soft sigh that felt like a release.

“I don’t know, not for a while yet. At least until I start showing and it becomes unavoidable. Sabe can hold the seat for me until I return then.” Padme responded, leaving out the implied, if the senate was still around then.

“You don’t have to worry, Padme.” He whispered. Something about his voice saying her name made her still. “I can protect you, us, the baby. They won’t know.”

She pushed away from him and his hand tried to grasp at her nightgown as she turned but she batted his hand away.

“I wonder if you forget you’ve married a queen, Anakin.”

Now it was his turn to look agitated at the use of his full name. His face twisted and for not the first time, Padme didn’t recognize his face.

“How could I forget.” He said. The words felt awkward and unpracticed and she wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much but it did. Padme took a deep breath, for what reason she wasn’t sure but she felt she needed her wits about her.

“I am not made of glass, Ani. I may be pregnant, but I was a queen of Naboo. I can protect myself and our baby.” A pause for a steadying breath. “Don’t forget that.”

He smiled at her, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. If Sabe was here she’d say something about don’t trust someone who can’t even fake a smile right, but Padme wanted nothing more than to sink into her husband’s arms and feel the warm sun on their backs. Instead as he held her and she let herself be held, the metal apparatus at the end of his arm felt more like a claw than a hand and the light of the city cast everything in shadow. 

Sabe told her she feared he’d swallow her whole, and as Padme flickered in and out of consciousness as Obi Wan held her hand on the ship away from Mustafar, she realized she was right.

How would they remember her? 

Would they remember her as the queen of Naboo or as Eve who presented Adam the apple?

She hoped her children would never know their father and hoped they’d leave lotuses out on her birthday even if they didn’t know why.

**Author's Note:**

> Turns out I like writing meandering fics reflecting on people's relationships. Padme is my favorite Star Wars character and during my last rewatch, I wondered how her handmaidens would react to her telling them about her relationship with Anakin. I've always been fascinated with the handmaidens, and I hope this little fic does them justice. I also had Hamilton stuck in my head, so I wanted to write something about Padme's perspective on her legacy, and this is what came out of it! I hope you enjoyed. <3


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